You Will Respect My Authoratah!

Somedays, you really should just hit the fucking alarm, roll over and go right back to sleep. A couple of weeks ago, I woke up already stressed out from some tests I was having done later in the afternoon. (It's so great to be a woman!) So I was hoping for a quiet day at work but after reading the first email in my box, that idea was shot to hell! Apparently, the incorrect version of one of my author's articles was printed in the current issue of the journal! (FUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!) And since I was already stressed out (and PMSing as I discovered the very next day), I promptly burst into tears right in front of my secretary. Ugh! Again, it's so great to be a woman!

By early afternoon we'd come up with a solution to that problem and I was just getting ready to head home to get ready for my hospital visit (oh joy!) when my office phone rang. "Hello? Is zis Mrs. Watson?" (Yes. I am typing phonectically here...this Spanish teacher can barely speak English--and according to the kids--can barely speak Spanish--so I'm purposely making fun here.) "Yes it is. How can I help you?" "Zis is Mrs. SMITH" "I am JB Spanish teacher." Yes. Note the language here again.

Oh God. It's a SCHOOL call! Nothing good EVER comes from a school phone call. And how about his timing? This was SO NOT THE DAY TO MISBEHAVE!

Apparently, JB decided he just was too tired for Spanish that day. He came into class, pushed two desks together, and promptly closed his eyes to take a nap! So she went over and told him to stay "One minute afffa class." This is her punishment method for all offenses. Gee. A WHOLE MINUTE. I'm scared now, teach! (As a side note, I should mention that this teacher is certifiably insane. Virtually every parent I've talked to about her agrees. She has ZERO classroom management skills so all the kids constantly push her in her class.)

Well, apparently he couldn't be bothered to stay that entire minute and blew her off! (Again. SO NOT THE DAY TO MISBEHAVE!) Hence the phone call to Mommy and a "referral" which, we find out two days later, means Saturday morning school. Great. My son has now become a member of The Breakfast Club! I picture him as a cuter Anthony Michael Hall. (And yet again. One minute vs. two hours of Saturday School. Methinks that boy ain't learning nuttin' in math now either!)

So now, I'm fuming! It's already been the worst day EVA at work, right? And now, I get to drive home, gulp down gallons of water and drive another 1/2 hour to the hospital for my tests. Luckily for him, he wasn't home when I got home. So all I could do is RIP THE CONTROLLERS from his video games and head out and wait for the phone call I KNEW would be coming from him.

Sure enough, not 15 minutes later, my cell phone rings. I answer calmly, "Hello!" "Mom? Hey. I have a question for you." Oh do you REALLY?!!! Deep breath. "Yes???" "Um. Do you know what happened to my video game controllers?" Calmly again, I say, "Well. I have a question for YOU JB." He hesitantly responds, "Ok. What?"

"What did you do in Spanish class today?!" "NOTHING," he says right away. "Yea. OK. Before you lie anymore and get yourself in MORE trouble, I suggest you go to your room. Clean it up and kneel by the bed FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF HOURS PRAYING TO GOD I don't still want to KILL YOU by the time I get home!"

Click.

I cannot begin to tell you all how immaculate my house was when I got home. I'm kinda hoping he gets in trouble once a month. It's cheaper than a cleaning lady!

PS: We made JB apologize to the teacher for all of this. Despite her insanity, she is the teacher. So, how did she respond to his apologize? "Oh. Zats ok. I sorry too!"