Cornfest (What MORE Corn?!)

Over the weekend, John and I decided to hook up with some friends of mine and attend our local festival, Cornfest. Yes. The theme this month is all about corn! When you live in the middle of corn country, the big thing to celebrate is that very vegetable, I guess.

When I was a kid, it was known as the Corn Boil and it was THE THING to do. It was in the middle of the otherwise boring summer so it was a chance to get out of the house. We'd head downtown on our bikes, get our free corn and hang out with the friends we'd not seen in six whole weeks. Yea. We were cool!

Over the years, the event was moved closer to fall when all the NIU students returned to DeKalb and the name changed to CornFest. Yee Haw! It's like the Taste of Chicago for DeKalb. There's a sound stage with favorite local bands and a huge beer garden full of drunken students and townie people. That always makes for good fights! And food booths abound. The old people hate it.

We never usually go to Cornfest. John has never been a big crowd lover, especially of the drunken variety. Apparently, he prefers a crowd of only ONE drunken lush in his life--me! (For some reason, I just cannot figure out that 5-6 beers in a night MIGHT be a bit too many for a girl who "ties one on" every six months or so!) Plus, you all know, he's one of the OLD PEOPLE already. So the night was already a bit doomed before it began.

As usual with him, we were running late, so now I'm in a good mood as well! I HATE being late! So now, we walk into a crowd of about 200-300 people and attempt to find my buddies. FUN! (Note to friends: In the midst of a live-band show, I can't HEAR YOU on the cell. Text me, girl!) We finally find everyone and I get some beer in my system. Ah. Life is better now!

Until the second band hits the stage and my friends say, "You'll love these guys! They play tons of Journey and REO Speedwagon!" Ohhhhhhh brother. John's face was priceless! There are truly not two bands John hates more than Journey and REO Speedwagon! Great! Please don't sing the Nah Nah Na Nah Nah song! Please GOD or I'll be abadoned here with no ride home.

And hey! Look over there, 10' away is my ex-boyfriend from high school casually dancing on a picnic table right in my line of sight! Gee wonder why he was dancing RIGHT THERE?! Yes, I see you, ya dick and I still hate you! Would you beleive John still has jealousy issues over this asshole even though he almost ruined my life. And let's all remember I've been married to John for OVER 20 years now. I think he should know whom I prefer!

Yea. How much fun was I havin' now?????

More beer, please!

High School Musical Two-Palozza!

Disney has done it to us all again. Their hit making and marketing machine is in full force creating a High School Musical fever that's hit every kid from age 6 - age 16! Are your kids affected?

For the entire month of August, Lauren has been counting down the days, hours, and minutes until the premiere of HSM2. And again, thanks to Disney, it was easier with it on the damn screen every day too!

To celebrate such an earth-shattering event, (and celebrate the end of summer), Lauren decided she wanted to host a movie premiere party on Friday night. Ugh. OK, I guess. The girl usually gets screwed come birthday time anyway (December), so this would be a nice thing to do.

Seven giggling nine year old girls is JUST the way I want to spend the last Friday night before the hecticness of the school year decends on our household. JB wanted to kill himself!

I TRIED to tap into Martha Stewart. I really did! I downloaded a photo (see above) to reproduce and print on t-shirts for the girls. Got the DVD game of High School Musical 1 and dusted off the karaoke machine with HS1 sing along CD. I went to FOUR STORES trying to find a poster finally making some poor manager of WalMart give me the one on display there--for 1/2 off too! I made pizzas and baked cookies.

Alas, Martha Stewart I will never be! The tshirts now sit by my desk unfinished. The DVD ran out (somehow?!) with literally 3 minutes left of the movie! And, I was so busy running around keeping kids fed and watered, I didn't take ONE picture!

And those damn girls were awake til 2:30-3am! They all came up at 2am declaring they were hungry! Oi vey!

Plus, mother nature has SUCH a sense of humor that she gave me my period the next day as a post-party-feeling-hung-over-from-being-up-so-late, gift! What a bitch!!!

CornAPalooza (aka Colon Blow 2007!)

It's an annual occurrence in the Midwest. Sweet corn mania hits the area around the last week of July and by August, we've all lost about ten pounds from all the corn we've consumed and shat out!This year is even worse. Not only can I stop and buy it on my way home at the local farm stand, but, we have our own plot of it in the backyard as does my FIL. In the past two weeks, I've eaten no less than 25 ears of corn. No. I am not joking!

Last Saturday was about the breaking point after having four ears the night before and then having the BRILLIANT idea to have a huge gyro sandwich at the Boone County Fair that night. Flash to a scene of me in the middle of at least 2,000 hot, sweaty bodies walking around. My stomach begins to gurgle and I have a huge ache in my gut. We stop and sit. The kids want ice cream when; BAM! I must find the bathroom RIGHT NOW! Quick, stand up. . . walk CAREFULLY to the closest toilet station. Whew. There’s one just 20 steps away. Crap! (Er. No, that’s not the right expression at a time like this) There’s a line! OF COURSE! When isn’t there a line for a woman’s bathroom?!

Now, I must walk the entire length of the fair to get to the bathroom. Um. Ok, time to pace myself. Walk quickly down the lane until I feel that gurgling again and then pause and "admire" the lovely, redneck junk on display at Billy Jo Jim Bob’s stand whilst squeezing my butt cheeks together and waiting for the wave to pass. After a couple minutes, I feel I’m safe to walk. Hurry! Don’t want to have to pause again. There it is! I hear the angels sing and see the light shining on the toilet station only this time, there's an even LONGER line at the bathroom.

And now, there's a poor four year old boy crying and crossing his legs! Dilemma!! Do I do the polite thing and let him go first? I mean, which is worse? A four year old peeing his pants or a middle age woman shitting in hers?

OMG. I just called myself middle aged!

What DIDN'T I do on my summer vacation

Don't hate me because I'm...

... lucky enough to get a month off each summer!

The kids and I stay up past midnight and wake up, oh, maybe by noon. I read like a fiend (over 15 books--including Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in 24 hours!) and catch up on all the movies I've been putting off seeing (Harry Potter 5, Catch and Release & Stranger Than Fiction were great! Marie Antoinette & the old classic, Howard's End made me want to shoot myself. How BORING!).

But it wasn't all rest and relaxation. We golfed one perfect 80 degree day! Took a weekend trip to Michigan for a family reunion. (Someday we WILL figure out how to avoid Chicago when driving to Michigan!) Had a great visit with my sister and her family (including the new baby!) which also included two day-trips into Chicago museums. (We're really becoming veterans at touring the city now--two trips in last year and two this year!) Lauren and I had a marathon day at Magic Waters that lasted almost 11 hours. She ran around with buddies and I sat in my chair and tanned. It was great! We even snuck off to the Wisconsin Dells last Friday , another perfect 85 degree, low humidity day. (If you know me at all, you know my affinity for hot, humid weather. It's zero! Summer is really my least favorite season unless I'm in the pool. Last week, before Friday, I think I spent at least 12 hours in the pool! Give me a nice, crisp fall day anytime!)

But now, the fun is over and it's back to the grind! I have to admit, I'm usually happy to get back to work every fall. The kids and I are sick of each other and all fun and no work makes Linda's ass fat!