Teenagers, Puberty, Turning 40--Oh my!

As you can read, I had the dubious honor of turning 40 recenly. On top of "celebrating" that milestone, our son turned 16 and our daughter is slowly beginning the decent into puberty. If you want drama, our house is worth a visit!

Two months before JB turned 16, he began a relationship with his first "serious" girlfriend. Great. As if getting his driver's license wasn't enough to worry about, now I get the double pleasure of thinking about him driving ALONE in the car with a GIRLFRIEND!! Many talks about wearing raincoats in the rain and all of that have followed in these past three months. We do totally adore Alexis and have a lot in common with her folks...so it's a good thing. But after not being interested in girls much his entire life, he seems totally smitten. It must be L-O-V-E because he turned to me one day in April and said, "Mom. Do you know what today is?" Hmm. Besides being a Saturday? I have no idea! "It's my three month anniversary with Lex."

Holy hell! We're counting anniversaries?! BARTENDER!!!!! (Chanting to him: don't forget about raincoats! Always have a RAINCOAT ON if you decide to go out in the weather!!!)

On top of all of this trauma, Lauren is totally turning into a GIRL! My little tomboy recently expressed her desire to have "real bras" in her undergarment collection. No training bra anymore for her. Hell no. She wants a BRA. Of course, the ones she like have the padded cups that I was thinking would take her a year to fill but it's actually only taken her about four months. What the fuck!?! Plus, I've had to teach her how to shave under her arms which means there is hair growing in other places I so don't want to think about AND that dreaded day of "becoming a woman" cannot be far behind. BARTENDER!!!!!

No WONDER I had to go with my girlfriends to Mexico for a full week to handle turning 40. Coupious amounts of alcohol have definitely been the "medication" of the era I'm living in right now.

Beer in Mexico

So Mexico really IS the place to celebrate a big birthday. We arrived in Mexico right around noon stepping off the plane to sunny skies and 78 degree temperatures. BLISS!

But the real fun began once we checked into our hotel, changed into our swimsuits and headed to the pool. I had told my two friends that our vacation would probably go like this: I would drink so much the first day that I'd be totally hung over the rest of the week. And I wasn't too far off the mark!

Most of you who know me, know that I drink A LOT. Not necessarily booze; everything. I drink a 44 oz. Diet Pepsi in just over an hour every morning. At lunch, it's not unreasonable to see me refill my large drink at least once--but usually twice. So when I go out "drinking," it can be really ugly! By the time I've had too much, I've had about FOUR DRINKS too much! LOL

This first day in Mexico was not to be any different. We started the afternoon off with a big ole strawberry margarita at the pool. Next came a HUGE pina colada while walking on the beach. Then, there was a super yummy "dirty monkey" concoction made from bananas, rum and coconut milk at the piano bar. All of these were drank within about a five hour period on nothing to eat since breakfast. SUCH a good idea, huh?!

So now, I'm feeling a bit numb in the face and thinking obsessively about bread. Must get some bread to sop up the booze. Of course, by this time, it's over. The time has passed that I can reasonably recover from my drunken state, but I still think if I get some food into me, I'll be ok.

We stagger (ok, *I* stagger) up the stairs in to dinner which is served buffet style. Oh goody. Now I get to hold a plate and try to serve myself food?! This is not good. Thank GOD for good friends. Shelly lead me around that buffet like a 3 year old kid asking, "What do you want to eat?" at every station. The only thing I could focus on where the tortillas...the Mexican version of bread. LOL

At our table, I was excited to see a bread basket had been brought. (See the white light shining on it and hear that choir of angels singing?) But, it was just a cruel trick. The first roll I picked up was super hard. Hmm. Ok. So it's hard. Spread some butter on it it'll be fine. It is bread, after all. I just want the soppage ability of it's chemistry makeup. Upon tearing into it, I discovered that their chef had cleverly devised a way to bake a roll that is strictly CRUST ONLY!!! Yes. I am drunk but come on! How can you bake a roll with NOTHING on the inside?

Well, after that, it really WAS over! I got up and stumbled as gracefully as I could back to our room where I promptly passed out on until 3am. Still a bit drunk I thought I'd put on some TV and try to lull myself back to sleep with that. You'll all remember now that I'm in Mexico where English is NOT the native language. It took my brain a while to remember that fact. Drunk is so not the way to cruise tv channels in another language. And forget about trying to read captions while drunk. It's an exercise in futility.

What a long night! LOL But I never did puke. That says something about me being able to hold my liquor, right? Of course friendship only goes so far...ask me sometime about Shelly "Bindy" Barclay's way to wake up a hung over friend. Let's just say, having a sea turtle shoved in your face at 8am is SO not the way I pictured my first morning in Mexico going... LOL